Star Trek Beyond (2016)

Star Trek Beyond. Yeah. Beyond. Beyond what?

In addition to having the stupidest title for a Star Trek movie since 2002’s Star Trek: Nemesis, Star Trek Beyond (henceforth referred to as Beyond) suffers from the fatal malady of being boring.

There’s not much going on here. Yeah, there’s a few battles in outer space, but haven’t we seen all that before? There’s nothing going on in Beyond that differentiates it from, let’s say, your average generic sci-fi CGI flick.

What really surprises me is how far this new Star Trek movie has fallen. J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek (2009) was a refreshing diversion. I’m one of the strongest defenders of Abrams’ follow up, Star Trek Into Darkness (2013), which also has a shitty title but at least had some… entertainment value behind it (Mr. Spock fisticuffs notwithstanding).

I’m not going to waste time by recapping the plot, because: 1) it doesn’t matter, and 2) who cares anyway?

This is the first Trek movie since Nemesis that I couldn’t sit through. That’s right: I actually left the movie theater (walked out) about 1/3 of the way through. I didn’t watch the whole thing (it was a chore) until many months later, when I received a promo code to stream the movie for free.

Blah. The movie is boring, stupid, and nothing of any import happens. Yeah there’s a few touching moments in honor of the late, great Leonard Nimoy, but they feel shoehorned in. A simple “In memory of Leonard Nimoy” at the beginning would’ve sufficed.

I could go on, but I don’t have the time. Beyond is among the worst Trek movies: inconsequential, boring and generic. I’d welcome J.J.’s return to the director’s chair and the return of the writing team from the previous two movies. At least those movies held my attention for two hours.

Check out my ranked list (with commentary) of all 13 Star Trek movies here.